Want to be a better leader? Watch your language.

Posted on | April 15, 2009 |

James E. Lukaszewski

Every CEO, manager, or supervisor I’ve ever met has had the same goal: improving the organization and those in it. Some of the solutions can be quite complicated. Here is a simple one: Replace your negative language with positive words that are powerful, authoritative and strategic.

The problem is that most managers and leaders, mindlessly, fall into the “If you don’t eat your peas, you won’t get dessert,” style of communication. Every one of us, including me, routinely uses negative language in our daily speech and the documents we write. Some of us have moved from single negatives (can’t, couldn’t, don’t, never, not, unable, won’t) to compound negatives (“I don’t disagree” “My answer is not no” “It’s not inappropriate” and even to triple negatives, “No problem, it won’t be any trouble at all.”)

Negative statements create negative results. The truth is that one negative creates confusion. Two negatives contained in a single thought, sentence, or explanation causes consternation. And three negatives can demotivate, even paralyze the most energized adult.

Also, negative language energizes critics. Protestors, opponents, activists and reporters who all seem to thrive on and punish you with negative language.

I have worked with corporate chief executives and other leaders on communication issues for more than 30 years. Of all leaders I’ve encountered, CEOs are the ones whom I think could benefit the most from a shift in their communication style, because their words have such immediate impact. It is also essential for the CEO’s trusted advisors, as well. Verbal skill is the advisor’s most powerful tool. At almost any meetings, do you ever find the boss or yourself saying things like “I don’t like that idea,” “That’s not our fault,” “We can’t talk about that,” or “We’re not ready for that”? If so, you are manufacturing confusion and stoking the fire of contention. Leaders, managers and supervisors squeeze out positive feelings from their people when they say to each other, “Your facts are wrong,” or “That’s impossible.”

As a leader, your language should be predominantly positive. In coaching we learn that for every negative mentioned about another human being, at least three to five positives are needed to mitigate the damage. That’s why we need to replace our negative phraseologies with positive ones.

Here are some examples of converting negative language into positive declarations:

Negative: You’re wrong.
Positive: My belief, based on the facts, is that . . .

Negative: I don’t believe it … or you.
Positive: Here’s what I believe. This is my perspective.

Negative: It won’t work; it never worked.
Positive: Here’s how it might work. Let’s try another approach.

Negative: That’s a lie.
Positive: Check the facts more carefully and you’ll find . . . or, here’s what I believe.

Negative: We don’t invest in benefits our employees won’t use.
Positive: We have three categories of employees, each with distinctly different benefit needs.

Negative: We’ve never done that.
Positive: Here, specifically, is what we do . . . or have done.

Transforming your style or the boss’s style into one that is truly positive, constructive and helpful requires discipline. First, monitor yourself and the boss. Write down your negative phrases and his or hers as well. Think about how you could re-word them as above. Second, commit yourself to listen for and collect the negative phrases of others and go through the exercise of making them positive, adding them to your lexicon of transformed negatives. Third, put your personal transformation into practice every day. Correct others gently but persistently.

What makes President Barack Obama such an effective speaker? Part of the answer is his use of power words. Power words add energy, thickness and momentum to the conversation and to writing.

Power words are critically important for confronting “color” words – words that are emotionally negative in nature, words like ashamed, afraid, worried, frightened, embarrassed. Color words grab the spokesperson or an audience by their guts. Use power words to make statements and verbal images more important and to detoxify the emotional power of color words:

Color question: Was it a bad or stupid choice?
Power response: It was an important choice critical to our progress.

Color question: Will this problem destroy your reputation?
Power response: Our most crucial concern is that they understand the seriousness of the circumstances so we can all resolve it together.

Color question: You’ve certainly bumbled and fumbled this last effort; humiliated was the word we heard often.
Power response: We’re surprised at the public reaction, but intend to respond powerfully and aggressively to the public’s concerns.

Every manager and leader can benefit from positive language because they deal with so many contentious situations: community upset, labor problems and negotiations. You can wage a war with negative words but you will create many, many critics and enemies, all of who will hang around forever to bug and bust you. Or you can wage peace instead, with much more positive results using p ositive language.

As you communicate your next series of commands, suggestions, or recommendations, or response to the commands, recommendations, and comments of others, remember that using positive language produces calmness, clarity and understanding. Positive language reduces contention and contentiousness. Disagreements, criticism, arguments, divorces, antagonism, bullying and wars are initiated and prolonged by negative language.

Here are four common myths that undermine leadership:

• The best ideas come from the clash of intellects and perspectives; it is a virtue to be contrarian.
• Strong leaders say, “No.” There must be limits.
• Good leaders are tough, and being tough means being negative.
• If someone attacks, abuses, accuses or bullies us, we must respond in kind or we will look weak and ineffective.

Recognizing these beliefs, as myths. Affirmatively avoiding these behaviors and concepts will make you a more effective trusted advisor and your boss a much more powerful and successful leader. I guarantee it.

James E. Lukaszewski, ABC, APR, Fellow PRSA, is the author of Why Should the Boss Listen to You? The Seven Disciplines of the Trusted Strategic Advisor, published by Jossey-Bass in 2008. For more on the power of positive language, visit www.e911.com or the Crisis Guru Blog. You can contact James E. Lukaszewski at by e-mail or on LinkedIn.

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